FEAR OF GETTING IT WRONG/ FEAR OF GETTING IT RIGHT
I have contemplated starting this blog for as long as I've owned this domain and created this website. That's almost one whole year of thinking, dreaming, but not writing, not sharing. The great paralyzer for this perfectionist is the fear of getting it wrong. So on Wednesday, February 4, 2015 I begin this blog officially tracking my year of living fearlessly.
So why start sharing now? After 15 years as a professional actor, I'm transitioning into new work. What that work is, I don't know? I'm sitting, standing, jumping fearlessly in the space of not knowing which is not typically something I'm very good at. I was recently in Cairo, Egypt at a party with a frenchman wearing a horizontally striped turtleneck smoking an e-cigarette. He asked me what most would call a typically American question, "What do you do for a living?". I told him, "It's complicated. I'm in a space of a lot of question marks." He looked at me and said, "Well, life is all about the question marks." He then took a slow drag of his e-cigarette.
So what is possible in 2015? What do I fear in 2015? After 15 years as a professional actor, I am setting off into new territory. I fought for 15 years to realize the dream I had as a small child. Fifteen years of joy, struggle, rejection, celebration. Fifteen blessed years to work with creative, expressed artists. For the past several years I have nursed a nugget of dissatisfaction. I think often of that line from the closing number of Avenue Q "Everyone's a little unsatisfied". That dissatisfaction continued to grow and grow until it was so large it could no longer be ignored.
So now I set out on a brand new adventure. Casting myself out of the career of my dreams and stepping into new dreams. An aspiration to be of service to others. Embracing a need to inspire other to live fearlessly and pursue their dreams. A calling to activate activists who fight for an equitable, peaceful, sustainable planet. Idealistic, i know. There is a reason I've had a lifelong fascination with Don Quixote de la Mancha. I'm out to not only dream the impossible dream, but to live it as well.
Join me. Share with me. Let's do it together. Let's get it wrong together. It is in the attempt, the struggle, the quest that we realize that the right and wrong don't matter. It is about the reach, the journey, and in it's fallibility lies its humanity.
Ready. Set. Go.